I feel like the Flash going to the Arrow and telling him his story at the beginning of season one of the Flash.
Part one of many about my journey to the red pill. This is my story about things that did happen and mistakes I made. Now if you think I'm going to say oh I should of let her have her way. Nope. That's not it at all. I should have known not to get involved with someone I work with who was from a broken home and who still talked to guys and ex-boyfriends. If anything I learned from this situation, never be serious about a woman who has man friends or talks to exes. People will say that's controlling, but it isn't. I'm stating the rules for me what I will not allow in my life. She can go over there, and I'll stay over here. She can do whatever she wants, but I'm not going to compromise myself ever again and be a simp. Acronym? Someone Idolizing Mediocre Pussy is its meaning. I will never compromise myself or beliefs ever again. Anyways, this is quite a story so get ready to read one hell of a story.
I was born on April 28, 1971. I'm 48 years old and have no kids and never been married. My parents have been together for 46 plus years. So people would wonder why a guy like myself would be a proud red pill guy who went through red pill rage and now doesn't care to be even in a relationship. It is a long story so get ready.
On May 25th, 1989 I was hired to the place where I still work. At this point, I had one technical date which wasn't a real date. It was going to Dairy Queen with a friend back when I was in my teens. At this point, I had only seen girls at high school which I did like at some point.
After I started working at the health care facility, I noticed different women but one stuck out in my mind. I'll give the initials P.B was her initials, and I thought she was sexy. She had a booty like Coco Ice-T's wife, and I could not keep my mind off her. It was weird because it was the first black woman I was interested in. I could go through the names, but if you went to public school with me and had a nice rack, there was a chance a was staining hand towels over you LOL.
Anyways, months had gone by, and I still had not told this girl I liked her. It came down to one day when I said I was going to do it. Then I saw her, and I chickened out. I felt like such a coward and low. Then towards the end of my shift, this girl who was talking to a girl who worked in tray delivery said hi to me and then she said she needed a man. Then I said ok what's your phone number. I guess I got her off guard and she gave me her the digits. In retrospect, my success with women usually has had to do with me coming up with a line in response to what she said. I'm good at this now, but back then I was like WTF did that came from?
So me and this girl started talking day after day. It came to a point, and this girl said to me that she was falling in love with me. Then I said I felt the same way. Big mistake. I would not realize what a mistake it was and didn't rectify this error until 2007. More on that later. So we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We had sex a few days before Christmas, and we started talking in November. I was head over heels, and I went out bought her a watch. Another big mistake. More on that later. Now I'm not making any excuses or anything but I was 18, and I was naive.
I was so naive an incident happened between her and her ex-boyfriend. It was a regular workday, and we were working together, but I notice she was a bit distance. I never really paid attention to it because it was a late day at work. Then she called me on the phone that evening in tears. She told me her ex-boyfriend gave her a hickey on her neck and a co-worker noticed this and said you better tell Keith. She claimed this guy pushed her down and put the hickey on her neck. I know what you are thinking about. How stupid for someone to believe this. I was so foolish and blinded by what was not love but was lust I believed her. I even said it was ok. Yeah, guys, I was really this stupid and made another mistake. I wanted to believe in love so bad I actually believed her. So another mistake. You want to believe and you think you are in love because you've been inside their vagina thrusting over and over.
Now after the whole thing with the hickey, the watch, Christmas and so forth. I thought I was head over heels in love. What did I know? I was 18 and did not have any sexual experience before, and I equated it to love. It's funny I've had a lot of sexual partners that have done some real kinky things, and I never felt love towards them. That's why I know I wasn't really in love.
I know for a fact she cheated on me with this guy and said when asked I was too stupid to know what is going on. Plus she rode the cock carousel during our relationship. I know for a fact some CSR guys were involved with her. Also, her massage friend W.V had his way with her. Someone I learned wasn't a friend but a snake, but he was stupid and married a woman with multiple baby fathers to her kids. He got his in the end. Karma is a bitch. Again, I was stupid, and I'm at fault because I should have left this situation. I'm also at fault because I naively picked her. I chose someone from a single home which I originally thought back then didn't matter. If I had not picked someone from a single home and someone whose parent's were still together I believe my outlook on relationships and marriage would be different.
Anyways, this scam of a relationship (which I call now a relationshit) went on and then I started to notice I had an itch. Then I saw small crawly things in my genital region. I was like WTF?! I told her about it, and she asked me if I was sure I did not have sex with anyone else. I have to say this right now. It was the only relationship I never cheated. I know people probably don't believe, but it's true. There was an opportunity with this hot mixed girl who we worked with, but I never made a move because I thought I "loved" P.B. Anyways I went to the doctor and got some cream, and it cleared it up, but it's funny I never had that problem ever again. Through another relationship and other women, I had sex. It was only with her. So I know I was not lying. I know you can get crabs without having a sexual encounter, but it's funny you would think maybe I would get it again and I never did.
One thing my mentor Tom Leykis said is a relationship reaches its peak after six months. I could honestly say it had reached its peak. It wasn't the fact I lost interest, but she started to change and was more bitchy. She was not the same bubbly girl with the beautiful big eyes and a smile that would light up a room as before. Again thinking I was "in love," I thought this was how it was supposed to feel like.
At this point, I made up my mind I wanted to marry this girl. Wait? What? Yeah, that's how lost I was being hypnotised being a simp again someone idolising mediocre pussy. I even asked her, and she said no which is one thing I got to say I am so happy for now. I was naive and didn't know about the laws. Back then I sounded like a whiny bitch and said why?????? :(
From this point, things went from bad to worse. A year later, her mother had gone on a trip to Jamaica. While down there she got ill. It was a few months before her mom found out she had breast cancer. I was there for P.B and now in retrospect, I wish I was never there for her. After getting sick down there, her mom died of complications. It was a very dark time. Now I'm going to say something mean to those former co-workers and maybe even she is reading this. I'll say this in caps. I SHOULD NOT OF BEEN THERE FOR HER AND SHOULD OF LEFT THAT RELATIONSHIP AT THIS POINT AND PROBABLY EVEN BEFORE. She never appreciated me or even thought about working on our relationship with everything I did for her after her mom passed away.
It is when things started going south when another co-worker her initial S.A moved in with her to help her. At the time I thought S.A was cool but what she was doing was influencing her to go out with her to clubs and so forth.
Another rule I have now is don't date a woman who wants to go out to clubs. That is a woman who is going out for male attention. Forget about the B.S they tell you about wanting to dance with their friends. They go out in tight clothes and dance with their friends. It's all a pack of lies. Now I know P.B was still getting over the death of her mother which I understood but I tried. I really tried. It was like I wasn't enough. The fact is this is where I was at fault. I allowed her to become the focal point of my world. Thinking she was all I needed and I thought she felt the same. John Lennon's song all you need is love is a song filled with lies which I see now.
Anyways as things kept to fall apart I continued doing things for her. Like taking her to places to get things settled regarding her mom's estate. Also, in the summer myself and her went to my cousin's wedding. This might of been the final chapter there. After the wedding things really fell apart. She continued wanting to go out with the girls for male attention. I tried to stop her. Now, this was my mistake and another sign where I should have ended it. The fact is you can't change anyone. You can only change yourself. That was something I could not see back then for both of us. If I knew, I would have ended it.
Things got crazy at work with people knowing that we were having relationship problems. It came down to a night in July where she called me out along with roommate S.A and they both chewed me out. Then she ended our relationship right then and there. I didn't understand how a woman who said she thought she was falling in love with you afterwards could be so cold and then said I don't want to be with you anymore. Eventually years later I understood why. Women's emotional switch is an on and off button and the fact is they don't fall in love with you. They fall in love with the stuff you do for them. I learned this from experience and time. Then in 2004 when I discovered the Tom Leykis show he pretty much said what I thought. Now here was a guy reinforcing on what I already believed to be true. More on Tom in another blog.
I tried to get back with her to make things right. One attempt I took the subway and waited on the Wilson station platform for her as she was going to night school for a course. In retrospect, this was a make or break moment. Looking back, I'm glad we missed each other that evening. She might have listened to me without S.A around and went back with me. I could have still been with that toxic woman, but instead, I missed her at the station and never got back together.
It was hard. I still had to continue working with P.B being around. It goes back saying that you never hook up with anyone at work. It was a rule that started then and there. Some women wanted to hook up with me in the future, but I never let it go far. In one case, one tried to get pregnant in a moment of weakness. We weren't together but we ended up fooling around in the nursing lounge. I turned down a hot latina woman to have sex with no protection.
Whoa. Anyways, things got worse, worse, worse and worse. I still had to look at her and my failure. It almost broke me but this moment of being torn made me for the future. Now people would say you don't let one bad experience make you but It did years later. I had a wall I built around myself and never let my emotions get ahead of me with any other woman.
A few years had past and then she started dating another guy she met at university. His name began with a G. How do you think I took it. I was heartbroken. I still thought I was "in love" even though I wasn't. The thought kept going through my mind how can you go from saying "I think I'm falling in love with you" to not even loving you at all.
In between this, I had a conversation with a cool guy and I still remember our talk to date. This guy R.I. He was a guy a few years older than me by 3 years but he talked to me and let me know that if she did not want to be with me anymore, she wasn't good enough. Also, regarding her toxic roommate to not even acknowledge her.
Now after this talking I felt a lot better. Now I remember this talk today back in the men's change room when it was upstairs. Unfortunately, I never really got a chance to thank him for the words. Did it fix me right then and there? No, it didn't, but it fixed me and made me for future considerations. I'm forever grateful for that conversation with R.I.
I was still a blue pill guy with urges but I began to see myself worth. It wasn't 100% yet but I can tell you in 2018 and I've even done the Carol Seaver Growing Pains moment thing. On the show, she yelled out my name is Carol Seaver and if a guy she likes doesn't fall in love with her, he is a complete idiot. I can say this now for myself and mean it. Of course, I've taken the red pill and don't believe in love however one thing I was able to find. Me. I love myself.
In the years that went by she had some problems with the current guy, she was dating. Now I do not know this factor is true but I noticed a burn mark on one of her forearms, and someone told me in confidence her boyfriend did that. My reaction was I wasn't mad, I wasn't sad, I never even wanted to find the guy and beat him up. I felt sorry for her because she had a guy who "loved" her or what I thought was love and wanted to protect her. As any guy who loved a woman would want too.
Now eventually they broke up in 1994. I was finally getting things back together. It was Christmas Eve and I was downstairs watching T.V, and the phone rang upstairs, and it was her. My mom told me she wanted to talk to me. Now this is where I made a mistake. I took the call. I should have told her to go fuck herself and if I wasn't good enough for her why are you calling me. That's what I would say today. Back then, I didn't. Still believing in love and still practising blue pill ways. I took the call. Maybe there was a sign? Probably not. The one thing I learned about women is they keep many plates spinning with men. They do this for back up so one fails they can go to another guy. It's called monkey branching or riding the cock carousel. This is why I would not take that call today or respond to a text message or an email. I know what women do and they don't care about the guy. It's convinent for them to call you up now because they have to fill a avoid in their life.
Anyways me and P.B started talking on the phone and in some cases got together but not for sex but for hanging out. I never made a move or said how I felt. Part of me I was afraid and maybe let her do the deed. That never happened. I was afraid of rejection. Now I thought she had being seen that I was a guy who would not put a burn mark on her arm or hit her. It was the opposite of that again. For 2 years she was using me for her narcissistic need for male attention. She didn't want to rekindle anything with me. I know this for a fact because in 1996 she met an x-ray tech to whom she liked and got together. What an idiot I believed she appreciated me now. She was using me by monkey branching from me to another guy. I wasn't heartbroken over this though. You would think I was, but my reaction was what a FUCKING CUNT! She never saw the inside of me on how I felt and went on to the next best thing. Again, remember never date anyone at work. Now she was dating someone from work. The only satisfaction was I knew I got from the situation it wasn't me again.
Communication with her and me never was the same. If she called me, I deleted messages. I didn't like saying hi to her. Now people do the math 1988 to 2007 that is the years she worked there. I have worked there from 1989 to present day. So it was almost like having a child because I was connected to her through work. I had to see my mistake every time I saw her and reminder of things that happened. Let's say you got a DUI and your insurance rates went up, and you saw that on your bill every month. You would feel a bit pissed off. I did not like the constant reminders of being linked to her in any way.
She had treated me so bad after we broke up and all because she wanted to ride the cock carousel with some men before she got hooked up with another guy. I bet when she was with that guy she rode the cock carousel still.
Anyways, in 2004 I discovered Tom Leykis and started listening to his show daily. Plus I heard countless other horror stories from other men about women. I was not alone.
Now, this is where red pill rage set. When I realised some of the things she and her friends did to try to manipulate me, I got angry. Tom talked about women going out to clubs and said any woman who goes out to clubs is not a good girlfriend. Then I thought back to my situation. That's where the pieces started to come together, and the red pill rage started.
Now, this was fitting it was Christmas I believe it was 2006. I was walking down the hallway at work and looked into the main kitchen area and saw this woman waving at me emphatically. I saw her and looked through the wave, and while turning the corner, I put on a stare on the face that would scare Stone Cold Steve Austin. I never waved or even talked to her, and that was the last I ever saw of her and I was finally free of seeing her clean, cut, and clear. i ignored her completely and really having the last nonverbal word. My action spoke louder than anything I would say at that moment. I'm not sure if she realised that I was completely done with her completely. I did not know she was going to re-sign shortly after that but I had made up my mind if she had approached me I would of told her don't ever say anything to me ever again and walk away. It never came but either way I'm fine with it. I don't even care if she got the message of me not saying hi on Christmas in 2006. That's what the red pill is all about we do not care and our hearts are black now.
Whew! What a story eh! So now I would like to address some of the mistakes I made. Mistake 1. I bought her a ring and a watch for Christmas and Valentine's Day. Now conveniently she lost both. I think she pawned it. That's how much she thought of me. Even if she lost it, it's the same deal as far as I see.
Mistake number 2. This is why you don't date anyone at work. It's a rule I have and other than the hot latina I never broke that rule again. The fact is I stayed linked to her through work and had to see that constant mistake over and over. She didn't work that much there but even still. It was like a shot to the arm reminder every time.
So that is the story specifically about my first girlfriend. Now, this isn't the worse thing that has happened to a guy. Most guys would have lost money which would be a lot worse. It was the emotional rollercoaster. She was the first reason out of fourteen reasons I had to get a vasectomy. The thought that if I got her pregnant, I could be stuck being linked to her through a child for life. Plus with everything I mentioned does this sound like mother material? The first thought of not wanting to have kids was because of her and her friend's example. Plus all the shame and blame tactics used. I'm talking about A.B, S.A and D the girl from tray delivery.
Now I know she is a mom now and in my opinion, with this checkered past of wanting to ride the cock carousel, I don't think she is a good one. I knew for me I would not be good father material because I was unwilling to sacrifice. I still won't. Plus with me, I prefer things over people. Meaning I love the fact buying a new iPad or iPhone every 2 or 3 years. Or adding to my Star Wars collection and so forth. I bought a motorcycle in recent years and I have a vintage 5.0 Mustang which I am working on and doing some of the work myself. Kids put miles on the odometer financially, and emotionally. I'm glad I got the vasectomy because I've never been a fan of holding babies. I like kids for like maybe 5 minutes, and that's it.
A true short story, after I got the vasectomy. I had to bring the sperm sample to the clinic to see if I was totally sterile. Now there was a kid who got a needle and started balling and it felt like my ears were going to pop. When they got to me with the kid still crying, I said to the secretary I'm so glad I got this done. That's exhibit A over there. One thing with life, I like the fact I don't have the responsibility of a family. I see what it does to men. I work with a few at my full-time job. People will say children are rewarding. This is a huge lie in my opinion. To those people who tell others, you should have kids or try and shame people into it is because of this phrase in caps "MISERY LOVES COMPANY!" Only if you like cleaning up poop, vomit, teaching them to wipe their ass, constantly wanting your attention, parent-teacher meetings, soccer practices and I could go on. The fact I can come home and sleep for as long as I want is only described as living the dream which I love.
So that's pretty much my story of my journey to the red pill. This is part 1. It's a long story, and things have happened through the years that made me realise that women are not worth the time or effort anymore. It was a futile lesson. It was kind of like Professor Falken in the movie War Games talking about lessons in futility and playing tic-tac-toe. The game being pointless and is always a tie unless you are playing against a moron. In life, there are things that are futile and you should give up on. Mine was romantic love. It's as real as Santa Claus or the story of the easter bunny or Jesus. Oh and for the record I believe Jesus was a man but all the BS about immaculate conception and Mary being a virgin. Come on! Someone told a story and embellished it. The fact that people still believe that today wow was Jesus Anakin Skywalker? Anakin was immaculately concepted in the Star Wars Trilogy. Sorry religious people I don't buy it. Anyways, romantic love does not exist when it's tied to sex and money. Men's main objective is to have sex without spending a lot of money on women. Women's main objective is to have the least amount of sex as possible and have men spend money on them. With those figures would you still believe in love as a whole? I know. The blue pill people do and probably will always will. I guess for some the kick in the gut and the reality to the red pill may come when it's too late. I was lucky. At the beginning, I said 47 never married and no kids. Some men aren't that lucky. So that's my story and maybe now you know why I am so cynical towards women. It was the first step of me opening my eyes to how cold, and unfeeling women are towards men with the emotional on/off switch. A guy's switch is totally different. We have an on/off but once you get through the BS when that switch is turned off it stays off for good. That's why any link to that person I would never go to. A co-worker's son died a few years ago and the real reason I didn't go to the viewing or funeral was because I did not want to see her. That's how deep it goes. Be good to your men ladies because once that switch goes off, there is no way to turn it back on.
My next entry part 2 I will be talking about another ex-girlfriend and how it impacted my red pill ways of life. Get ready because it's going to get lively up in here!
Oh and one more thing. Just like Steve Jobs. I don't regret my past, but I do regret some of the people I wasted time on. The above mentioned in this story resembles that remark. Just saying.
Special thanks to R.I and Tom Leykis. R.I to making me open my eyes and Tom reinforcing my belief which I already believed to be true. Once I realized the scam of dating to relationships to marriage I stopped dating in 2005. I've had booty calls thru out the years but seeing how those usually turn out with the women wanting to be in relationships I quit. Now people will say why did I get a vasectomy? Very simple. To rip off prochoice and the feminist BS they stand behind MY BODY MY CHOICE. I got my masturbators plus looking to get a sex doll from www.realdollcanada.com. Plus I have a sex robot on preorder for the year 2030. And people will say what about companionship? What about talking to your partner. My point is I rather have something that looks real and does not talk back. It's gone to that point with women on a romantic level. I have no use for it and more and more men are realising this to be true.
Oh and a special note to that person. Do not try and reconnect thru other people or even by yourself directly. I am done ever talking to you. Years ago I believed everyone deserved a second chance. I gave that to you back in 1994 and 2 years later I wasn't good enough, so you went to the next big thing. Now today I don't give second chances, and pretty much you are dead to me. The reason I woke up and told my story is pretty much for a lot of years I ghosted your existence the same way Vince McMahon did when a wrestler left a territory back in the 80's. I did this because young men (who I know and others) could read this and not make the same stupid mistakes as I did. It's essential for those men out there to know getting together with a woman from a broken home is a bad idea. Where your mother failed is the product of you and will probably continue to your daughter as a failure if you are not together with you know who. As mentioned, if I have gotten together with someone whose parents are together my outlook on relationships and marriage would be different. However, glad I was really able to see the truth about female nature and It's not worth the risk.
